Random Musings

 Have you ever been so stressed that you get to the point where you don’t even care anymore? Presently, I’m beyond the point where I can feel my anxiety or stress. It’s like I’m floating though the day in a bumper boat. I need to get to the other side of the pool, but I keep bumping into things that need to be done, and then I spin around in circles and go off in some other direction. For example, I have no business writing a post – but here I am.

How is it possible that tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary? Sixteen seems like a small number to me, given all that’s happened in the last decade and a half. I put off making a dinner reservation for so long that our first choice restaurant was all booked, so I went with our second choice – and had to choose between a 6 p.m. reservation or 9:00 p.m. We’ll be celebrating with an early bird special.


On the plane, leaving for our honeymoon.

How is it possible that my boys, Barrett & Hunter, will be fifteen in two weeks? Fifteen. Oh my God. And Christmas, according to Camden, is thirty-seven days away. Is that accurate? I have lost count – refusing to adjust the number on the Christmas countdown wall hanging I have in the kitchen. By not changing the number; I’m mentally giving myself more time. I’ve yet to buy a present. It’ll all fall into place though, right? Right?!?! I mean, it has to – I’m the mom.

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First I must get through Thanksgiving, which is in a week. I need to make a plan, and a menu, and a shopping list. I’m hoping to use next week to get my act together. Thanksgiving makes me think of my friend Michele, whose daughter is marching with her high school band in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Mom’s nervous, as I would be. I’m worried for her. I hate that something so big in a young girl’s life is wrapped up in and marred by the turmoil of our world.

My kids have asked some heavy questions about Paris. I didn’t know what to say, so I told them the truth. Unfortunately, I feel as though this is the world we’re going to live in for quite some time. They should be prepared. It makes me sad. I took Aud and Cammy to see The Peanuts Movie last weekend (cute, btw). Aud tried to sit a few rows away from me, because she didn’t like the seat I picked. She’s been exercising her independence more and more lately, and I try to indulge her – but on that morning I couldn’t. My instinct was to keep her close, in case someone came into the theater with a gun. That is what I thought about on a Sunday morning, in a theater, watching The Peanuts Movie.

Maudlin, right? Let me switch it up.

I’m reading Cheryl Strayed’s Brave Enough and it’s wonderful. I want to share a passage that I read, just when I needed it:


That is what we must do – be warriors of love!

Speaking of love….

How about this little wild and crazy obsession I’ve been having lately? I can’t stop thinking about Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani. I am a forty-six year old woman, and I’m all excited about them going out. I don’t even watch The Voice! But I adore the idea of these two being happy together. I know, I know, I’m weird.


Tonight, Cammy is going to graduate from his white belt to his gold belt in a karate graduation ceremony at the local community college. A little over the top, don’t you think? I do, but he’s so excited. I’m sure it’ll be cute. Today Barrett had his Thanksgiving feast at school. I helped him make stuffing to share with his class. He was so proud carrying the container of stuffing onto the bus – and yet I know he probably won’t even try a taste.

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I do have a funny Barrett story. He’s grown so much that, of course, none of his pants fit. I’ve been trying to make it work until his birthday. With a December birthday, it’s hard to come up with both birthday and Christmas gifts. Last Saturday however, it had reached the point of vulgarity. There was no way I could take him out in public with his jean so damn tight. Off to America Eagle we went. I tried to convince Hunter to come with us, promising to buy him anything he wanted (because he’s still wearing his ratty gym clothes from last year – to school!). He smirked and said, “No, that’s alright. Why don’t you and Barrett run along and have yourselves a good time.” Very nice Hunter.

Anyway, since the inappropriate jeans were a size 16, I deduced that Barrett was now wearing man sizes. I’ve never bought a man a pair of jeans – I kid you not. I had no clue what I was doing. I loaded up on a bunch of different styles, picking the low numbers for sizes, and we headed to the dressing room. It occurred to me that some people might have thought it was wrong for me to accompany Bear into the changing room, especially the young girls they had working there. I managed to find a woman my age and explained the situation. She was very nice and escorted us back to a room. I’m so glad I made my autism disclaimer. For Barrett, changing his pants multiple times was very funny. He laughed hysterically. And he sang. About rubber duckies. Can you imagine what the attendant would have thought, had I not explained the situation beforehand?

And that’s a wrap for this week!

What are you thinking/worrying/laughing about?


22 thoughts on “Random Musings”

  1. First off, Happy Anniversary to you! Second, this year seriously has gone too quickly here and am with you on not wanting to know the official countdown to Christmas, because I seriously haven’t begun to shop. I blame it on the fact that my youngest will be 5 next week right before Thanksgiving and still trying to get through her birthday and kiddie party that we are having next weekend still. I will say though as much as I am not ready by any means there is still a part of me as crazy as it sounds excited for it as deep down I do love this time of the year.

    1. Thanks Janine. It’s so hard to have family holidays (birthdays, anniversaries) around national holidays – isn’t it? I love it too, so I’m trying to not “lose it” and just go with the flow…

  2. It sounds like a very busy and stressful time Allie. But Happy Anniversary! Love the picture on your way to your honeymoon. I just realized I don’t think my husband and I thought to take one of those — bummer! Glad to hear Brave Enough is a good read. It is on my list. As for the fear in the movie theater, it is so sad that is what was going through your mind but completely understandable. How can it not be? I work at a university next to a row of classrooms and my colleague and I have our “plan” should there be an active shooter. I wish it was ridiculous to think of such things, but sadly it’s not.
    On a lighter note, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

    1. Thanks Caryn – and that was taken in the age before selfies:) – and cell phone cameras. Well, maybe our cells had cameras, I don’t remember. It was the flight attendant’s suggestion, and I handed over my camera. That is awful, what you and you colleagues had to plan. My MIL works at a university, and I believe they’ve done the same thing.

  3. Happy Anniversary, Allie! I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed – me, too. We’re going to my inlaws for Thanksgiving next week and I’m so not ready — don’t even have a hamster babysitter lined up yet. That sucks that the kids have been asking questions :( and even more so that you thought about shootings during a Peanuts movie on a Saturday morning…
    Hope you have a great weekend and Turkey Day next week! :)

  4. Hi Allie. That was such a cool pic of you and Rich leaving on your honeymoon. Was it really that LONG ago….wow! Anyways Happy Anniversary to my favorite couple. And tell my godson to behave! Miss all of you.


    Uncle Mark

  5. Yes! I know that feeling of being so stressed you don’t care anymore. I kinda love it and hate it at the same time. I like that not caring thing, though. It’s like floating.
    I’ve only been married 7 years but today I could have sworn it was 11.
    haha – “Why don’t you and Barrett run along and have yourselves a good time.”
    Too funny.
    Sad about the Peanuts movie, but I get it. You can’t help but think about it these days, and I fear we will never NOT think about it.

  6. Happy Anniversary! I love reading your stories and musings…and dressing room stories. And yes, I understand your stress and reached that point. Where you don’t even have time to makes lists and when you DO make lists you are making lists of lists?! It’s insane…do what you can, cater the rest!

  7. That quote from Strayed could not be more perfect for everything right now— even for a stupid squabble I got myself into with a friend that was entirely my fault based on my lack of following the directions in that quote.

    I’m not hosting Thanksgiving. Am grateful to be a guest. See! You’re providing that gift for your guests!

  8. Happy Anniversary Allie! As for the zooming by of time I wish there was such a thing as a hold button. One we could press and release at will. Wouldn’t that be grand?
    As for your movie thoughts – yup, with ya. My daughter zipped down to Boston on Paris Friday. Between you and me, I was worried for her. And then she texts me on Monday to say her Harvard campus tour was aborted due to a bomb threat. Bless her – she only texted once she was safely back at her b and b.
    I wouldn’t want her or my son to stop doing things they enjoy out of fear but as a mom sometimes it is tough to watch them spread their wings …

    1. Yes! A hold button would definitely be grand! Harvard!? Kelly that’s amazing. I’m from the Cape and my parents were Bostonians – wonderful city. Keep me posted on where she ends up.

  9. OH Allie! Bless your heart for taking the time to post this when you are so frazzled! I love reading and catching up on everything, so thank you for doing so!

    I would have felt the same way in the movie theater. And I have been brutally honest with my kids too. It IS the world we live in, and it will only get worse. Tragic, but true.

    Good for YOU for offering a disclaimer so that you and Barrett could feel comfortable shopping. That is the perfect thing to do!!


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