It’s no secret that I haven’t produced much original material on my blog lately. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to – I often have essays and ideas swirling around in my head. They just never seem to make it to my fingertips. I fear that I’ve seriously lost my writing mojo. The first week of summer break, I attempted to write over at Road Warrior Momma, but my heart just wasn’t in it. For one thing, the kids were pretty well behaved on our trip, so I didn’t have any funny stories to tell. Also, the mini-road trip was more like a family/class reunion. With the exception of Mystic, Connecticut, all places we stopped were cities that we’d been to many times before and I didn’t know how to spin it for my readers. I don’t know why, but I’ve not feel compelled – at all – to share my words.
The negative consequence of this is that my writing has turned to crap. Currently, at my “real job,” I do little writing – only emails that basically inform various people about some financial document that’s attached. How creative can I get with that? I’m learning that it’s true, writing is a skill that you have to exercise daily (at the very least), in order to maintain some semblance of talent. With the HerStories Project’s Voices Column on hiatus for the summer, I’ve only been writing my New Releases Column for Chick Lit Plus and even that’s been a hard fight. Sometime I feel as though I’m faking it.
I’ve decided to write a Currently post, to keep the words flowing.
Currently, I’m feeling guilty. I hate guilt, but being Catholic, I swear it’s become part of my DNA. I feel guilty for working this summer, because my house is a mess and the kids are bored. I feel as though I’m letting my family down, and yet I am also helping them by working. It’s a weird Catch 22. I also feel guilty for taking too many trips this summer. I had to go back to work to pay for them, however I now feel guilty because I’m bailing on my job for weeks at a time. They’ve been cool about my schedule, and yet I still feel badly. I also feel selfish, because perhaps I should be working and saving money for things that most responsible adults would – college, retirement, home improvements. But I want to travel. And I’m also not sure if the kids really want to do it anymore. I don’t know…
Currently I’m frustrated about the state of our world. I hate what’s happening to our country on many fronts. I’m usually a political junkie, but honestly, my heart is broken over the lack of civil discourse in the country. And I fear for our options from both parties. I’m sorry, I just do.
Currently I dream about numbers. I used to dream about having encounters with rock stars. Those were the good days. Would you believe I woke up the other morning realizing I’d just had a dream about closing the accounting period on time for an audit? What the freak is up with that?
Currently I’m grateful for many blessing in my life. I recently had a very scary medical issue come up. I was terrified, and it wasn’t fun or easy. Honestly, I’d already planned my funeral. For those of you who don’t know, I can be quiet dramatic. I’m so happy and relieved and grateful to report that my close call turned out to be okay. It’s funny though. Something as dramatic as that – you’d think I’d have a new lease on life? I was ecstatic for a couple hours and then it was back to the grind.
Currently I’ve been trying to read more. Yes, you read that right. One of the causalities of “going back to work,” is that my leisure reading time has seriously diminished. Oh, how I miss my books. But on our vacation I did manage to read and listen to quite a few. Some of my recent faves include: Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld, Sunshine Beach by Wendy Wax, In Twenty Years by Allison Winn Scotch (who will be feature for next week’s Books of My Life!), The Assistants by Camille Perri, and The Nest by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney.
Currently I’ve been watching the O.J. Simpson documentary on ESPN. I am riveted! I also started season two of Netflix’s Bloodline, but I’m nervous. This season seems like it’s going to be darker – and my favorite character is in a very bad situation. I get angsty just thinking about it.
BTW, I started writing this post two weeks ago! See? I have lost my mojo. I’ve gone back to it a few times and I don’t know. I’m not sure if it’s share-worthy.
Currently I’m typing this on a plane, enroute to San Francisco to celebrate a big birthday for my husband. We almost didn’t make the trip. We’ve had a number of things occur in our lives lately that put the trip in limbo. Over the weekend we finally just concluded – WE NEED THIS. It’s be so long since we’ve been away, just the two of us. But I’m also rather lost without my little road warriors. I’m hopeful that the trip (two days in the city and two in Sonoma) will rejuvenate me, because next week the kids and I head out on our summer road trip! Hopefully. Lately, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I’m going to try and be better about posting – maybe just short little posts about, I don’t know – whatever. We’ll see…
What are you doing/thinking/reading/watching currently?
I hear you loud and clear on the rustiness and the feeling of faking it. Yes, yes and yes. I also watched the OJ miniseries and thought it was incredible. So glad you are OK health-wise and also that you went to SF. xox
Thanks Lindsey. And SF was/is wonderful. Oh, if I could do it all over again, this is where I’d be.
I know the this feeling well and now that summer has officially begun here today with my girls last day of school. But I am trying to hope that I have enough energy to write a bit this summer still. Oh and also, 3 of the the books you listed, I read and loved…hope to share on my blog soon about them. Hugs and have a wonderful weekend, Allie!! <3
Just getting out of school?!?!?! Oh my goodness Janine, we got out on MAY 27th! My summer is about half over:(. Looking forward to your book post.
Hope you are having a great time in SF/Sonoma! Best place on Earth in my very humbled and very un-traveled opinion! Also glad to hear that your health scare turned out okay. Ever since I went on my big Europe trip in May and gave myself those 10 days “off” from writing, I have had a hard time getting back into my routine. I try to ride the natural ebbs and flows, but know I have to, as you say, keep the words flowing too!
Caryn, the weather has been amazing. This is my sixth visit – and it (temperature-wise) never been more perfect.
I am completely with you on the writing mojo. I’ve been struggling with it so much since Will was born last June. I had a very rough time at the beginning, and I feel like, except for the letters that I write to him every month, I have just lost my words. I’m so glad that your health is ok, and I’m so sorry that you had to go through something so scary. Enjoy your summer travels. I bet that these are going to be your kids’ best and most vivid memories as they get older.
Thank you for your kind word Samantha. And I have to say – I have been very impressed with the way you’ve been able to write since the baby arrived. You’re a rock star! And I hope you’re right about my kids.
San Francisco! Ahh.. that will do good things to anyone’s souls, although that’s where I had my worst writer’s mojo ever, but of course, it wasn’t San Francisco’s fault at all.
Also, I’m a hypochondriac and I plan my own funerals too. For little things! What will I do when it’s big things?
The city by the bay does have magical healing powers, doesn’t it?
Hey Mama. Bloodline is WAY dark but so so good! Truly. I’m sorry you feel like you’ve lost your mojo but I really enjoyed this post, so there’s that! Whew to the scary medical issue being okay. Also, your blog – write when and what you want. xoxo
I just hate that John’s life is the way it is now – you know? I swear, if they do anything ore to him…I don’t know…I might have to skip season two.
I just finished Eligible too – included it in a book review post for next week.
I get the writing mojo thing – I really do. I’m trying to hold at once a week, although I’m taking two weeks off for vacation, and I’m going to try very hard not to feel guilty.
Glad you are okay health-wise, and I hope you are enjoy San Francisco! Always good to read what you write, Allie! Which btw, is NOT crap.
Oh, I can’t wait to read your review! You’re smart to take off on your vacation. Why do I write on mine?!?!?! And thank you so much for your kind words.
Oh hang in there- you are a warrior mama road or not! I think you are living life well, just be kinder to yourself. There have been a ton of transitions. Writing will come back- as long as you don’t bludgeon yourself about it. Go back to Big Magic and read some of that again. Lots of love. ❤️
I truly hope you’re right!. I miss you Allison and get so excited when I see your name in the comments.
I like the “currently” format a lot. And see! The words DID flow! I’m writing way less these days. Sort of tapped out on nonfiction/essay stuff and not quite up to fiction. Sigh.
Thanks Nina. I find it easier to blather on about the essentials: reading, travel, television – Ha!
Oh sweetie, I have missed you and your words! This post is precious in so many ways- vulnerable and honest, just how I like it. You are simply in a season where your writing piece of your heart is resting. THAT’S OKAY. It doesn’t mean you can’t write, won’t ever write, or have lost the passion to write. It simply means you are resting that part of who you are. I GET IT.
We moved my mom from WI to just down the street a few weeks ago. I haven’t written a word since. I’m rarely online because I am submerged in helping unpack her and acclimating her to this new territory she will call home.
Life- it all happens. And the struggles with guilt and this country and those life challenges are just SO typical. That scare you had and then falling right back into the trenches- SO LIFE. I get it. I soooo get it!!
You are doing the best you can with it all, sweetie. I KNOW you are. Give yourself grace. Please? I know all too well, that pressure that hangs over your head with blogging and writing and I can only imagine the stress of juggling work and kids and decisions on traveling etc. Your choices and priorities are valuable right here and now.
You have the rest of your life to get back into your writing- and just know I will be here ready to read when that happens!!
*I really hope you truly enjoyed your time away together. I’m SO GLAD you guys were able to pull it off!!!
I love you.
You are so, so, so sweet to me. And I so, so, so hope and pray that you are right. How nice that your mom will be close to you and your family. I hope that she’s transitioning well (and, for you that it was a wonted move:). And the hubby and I had a fabulous time in SanFran. I’m almost inspired to write about it….